We live above you but are still part of you
by mandrake-o
Summary: Meet Ira, Hogwarts' resident rumour-loving ghost. Let him guide you through Harry's fifth year.
1. Ira's adventure to the toilet

****

We live above you but are still part of you

Disclaimer:- Hmm… since I don't claim anything, I suppose I'm disclaiming everything.

I've never seen anything like this fic before so I decided to write it. This first chapter kind of sucks but it'll probably get better next chapter (if you stick around long enough to read it, that is)

Oh, and consistent usage of 'Cream pudding' is to be ignored. Or replaced with 'Oh dear lord' or something equally strange like 'Cheese and Whiskers'. And if you're a fan of my stories (not that I have (m)any of those =)) beware cheesy Bananas in Pajamas quotes. Well, I do love my children's television shows.

****

Chapter 1 - Ira's adventure to the toilet

Ghosts don't sleep. I know, I'm one of them. So we need something to entertain ourselves. When the students here at Hogwarts are gone for the summer we get lonely. There are only so many times you can talk to the same portrait about the rip near its frame. I'm a gossip. I'll spread rumours when I'm bored and won't hesitate to listen to one someone else has started. 

This year, there's a little more gossip than usual. That boy Cedric's death was certainly something to talk about. Amelia King, my cousin and I enjoy talking. We were upset that he hadn't joined us here. The company around here really could use some spicing up. He was killed too far away and the rumours had it that he wasn't ghost material. It would have been good to have more young folk around here. 

I'm a fairly young ghost, only a hundred and ninety-two years of ghostdom. That Myrtle's the youngest but no one talks to her. And I also look fairly young, I was just out of Hogwarts, only to be asked back to teach charms. And then there was an accident in my second year of teaching when I was only 21. Who knew an enveloping charm could go so wrong? Stupid child enveloped me in some sort of strange mist, killed me instantly. We never did find out what it was that she said. I'm sure that Tom Riddle would have had fun with it. He always was a sneaky boy. I stuck around for revenge on her. It took me twenty years, but I did get her back when she came to teach at Hogwarts. I gave her the fright of her life. She was in a mental asylum for the last years of her life.

"Ira," a voice said from behind me. I immediately went invisible. Cream pudding, that's Jemima. She's a hundred and three years older than me and looks about a year younger than me. She's the ugliest ghost this side of Hogsmeade. "I can still see you, you know Ira," she said to me. The horrible thing was that she was right. Ghosts can see each other whether they are visible to the living eye or not.

"Go away, Jemima," I said. I drifted around her. I haven't gotten used to the idea that I'm able to walk - er, float - through her. Too bad I can't apparate anymore. I slid through a wall and into Professor Dumbledore's office. He wasn't in. Capello, the Sorting Hat was sitting over to the side. I talk to him sometimes when I'm bored and when Dumbledore is out. He tests out parts of his new song on me. I'd say hello, but I'm in a hurry. Jemima was still hot on my trail so I went through another wall and ended up in the Ravenclaw common room. Then I had an idea. There was a fire burning in the grate so I went up the chimney. Jemima wouldn't think of that, would she? Ah well. Through another wall and into a store room.

I know where Jemima wouldn't dare look for me. Myrtle's bathroom. I would only be caught dead there. Oh the horror, a girls' bathroom… and I'm going to have to talk to Myrtle nicely to see if she'll let me hide in her toilet. Jemima, why do you do this to me? I zipped through walls and floors in the most direct route to the first floor girls' bathroom. People measure things as the crow flies sometimes. I think that's a stupid idea. Everyone knows that the distance crows take is longer than the distance a ghost takes. Crows have to fly up above things; ghosts simply fly through them.

"Myrtle," I called. "I've come to visit you."

"Ira?" she asked, moaning. But I knew she was happy to see me. I mean, who wouldn't be?

"Hullo Myrtle," I said, drifting through the stall doors to hers. "How are you doing today?"

"Horribly," she said. "I've had a horrible day. That Mrs. Norris startled me again. She hissed and spat at me."

"I wouldn't think she'd go near here after what happened two years ago. She was petrified just outside. By a basilisk."

"Really?" she asked. She didn't know what was going on right outside her own bathroom? I suppose she just spends too much time in it. "I suppose that's why those Gryffindors were there around that time."

"Gryffindors in your bathroom?" I hadn't heard this. Why hadn't I heard this? Seamus and Lavender are Gryffindors. I thought they were telling me everything they'd heard. Maybe they don't know either.

"They were making some potion or other. There were boys in my bathroom. And they weren't ghosts."

"Boys in your bathroom?" That settles it. Maybe Jemima's not so bad. She's led me to some new information.

She nodded. "Although that Harry was kind of cute." Did I mention that ghosts still have hormones? Hang on, did she just say Harry?

"Harry Potter?" I asked her. I know, I'm a chronic gossip. Amelia says I should have died an old woman.

"Yes, it was him and his friends. Rod Wisely and Hermoninny Ginger I think it was." She sat on her toilet.

"And they were making a potion?" I asked.

"Yes," she wrinkled her nose. "And it looked right horrible, too. Then the girl when she drank it, she turned into a cat. The potion was supposed to turn them into other people or something. Only it's not supposed to be used for animals. That was a good laugh." She giggled.

Yes I'd heard about Hermione Granger's cat condition. So that's what happened. I'd gone to peep at her. It wasn't funny. I know about spells and potions going wrong and it's not funny. "What else happened that year?" I'd found the Chamber of Secrets years ago, but I've never found the entrance to it. And I heard that Harry Potter found it that year.

"Oh, later Rod's sister, Jenny, I think, she went down to the Chamber. I'd never known it was there. Then that Rod and Harry and a Professor I think went down, too. Then they came back. I was hoping that Harry would have died so that he could stay here with me… although he didn't really seem like ghostly material."

"I wouldn't think so," I said. I was blissfully happy, I'd just stocked up on some information that would last me all summer trying to figure out. "Thanks for a nice chat, Myrtle. I'll see you some other time." I waved good bye and left her.

And I was immediately confronted by that idiot who calls herself Jemima. Cream pudding, what does she think she's doing?

"Hello, Ira," she said, staring right at me. I stared right back. I figured that after my chat with Myrtle, I'd be able to stand her for a few minutes. "Playing hard to get?"

"Why don't you go terrorize Professor Snape?" I asked her. Can't she take a hint? This kind of reminds me of that situation Draco Malfoy's in with Pansy Parkinson. They're betrothed, you know. But personally, I think he's gay.

She giggled. Ugh, she giggled. Cream pudding, why me? "But you're so much cuter."

"I wish I hadn't wanted revenge on that stupid girl so I wouldn't be here." And how I wished that more than anything. I'm going to hate her for the rest of my afterlife.

"You know you want me," this ghost was definitely starting to scare me. And she wasn't even good looking… not that I would have liked her any better if she was.

"Good bye, Jemima," I yelled and ran off. Maybe if I managed to get past Peeves, he could distract her. It's a good thing the Bloody Baron's one of my best friends… well, close enough isn't it? Okay, so we're far from being friends, and pretty close to being worst enemies. But hey, Peeves loves a good trick as much as I love a good rumour.

This time I'm going to hide in the freezer. That Dobby's been nice about all the time I spend in there. It's a good thing Jemima still doesn't know that that's where I go… otherwise, I'd be looking for a new place.

***

A/N: sorry that was so short, I just didn't have the heart to continue in this chapter. So… next chapter, we get to know a couple of the ghosts a bit better. Please review! =)


	2. Tales of the Ravenclaws

****

We live above you but are still part of you

Disclaimer:- Hmm… since I don't claim anything, I suppose I'm disclaiming everything.

Oh, and consistent usage of 'Cream pudding' is to be ignored. Or replaced with 'Oh dear lord' or something equally strange like 'Cheese and Whiskers'. And if you're a fan of my stories (not that I have (m)any of those =)) beware cheesy Bananas in Pajamas quotes. Well, I do love my children's television shows. Anyone who knows me knows that. Bananas in Pajamas, Hi-5, even the Wiggles' boringly stupid show, even the Teletubbies I'm ashamed to admit, Bear in the Big Blue House, Nickelodeon cartoons (I don't like those much anymore, I prefer their game shows), Bob the Builder… whatever's on TV on a weekday afternoon. =D

And of course Ira is a guy.

****

Chapter 2 - Tales of the Ravenclaws

I'm in the freezer. I'm so glad the house elves don't ever tell Jemima anything. They know that she's not trustworthy. School starts again in a few weeks, so I've got some time to spare until I go snooping around a bit more. The freezer is, surprisingly, a good place to think things over. It's really quiet and the scenery is… interesting, I suppose. But, I guess if you're alive, it's a bit too cold for you. I can't feel the cold. Basically, all ghosts are left with are emotions, sounds and eyes. No smell functions, no touch, and definitely no taste.

The door's opening, one of the elves is getting something for tonight's dinner for the Professors. Perhaps I'll pay them a visit. Maybe they know something juicy. Perhaps there's something going on between some of them. I've always seen Snape look over at Sprout. Ah, to torment Snape until he tells me something whether true or false. I don't really care and everyone seems to know. Whenever I bother them for things, they just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Mostly I take it and run. Why be picky?

Okay, I've decided, after three hours of precious freezer time that I'm going to have a talk to Peeves. Perhaps we can embarrass Jemima into going away. Ah… cream pudding, a ghost can dream, right? What shall I do?

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" I heard a shrill shriek. Is that Jemima? I turn invisible and turn around. Oh, it's just Amelia.

"Don't scare me like that," I said to her, letting down my poor 'defense'. She smirked at me. Yes, she was a Slytherin when she was at Hogwarts. I would have been a Slytherin, but I decided that since 'Melia was in Slytherin already, I could just pump her for Slytherin information. And I'd heard that Gryffindors had the most interesting sex lives. Okay, so I'd heard that there was this guy who was dating these two girls at the same time, 'cept they both knew about it and were cheating on him with these other girls. Cream pudding, I thought all the Gryffindors were bi when I first started. Hey, I'm the reason why ghosts aren't allowed into the common rooms and dorms during term time. And no, I wasn't perving on the girls. I'm decent.

"Where have you been?" she asked me.

"Hiding from Jemima," I told her.

"Where?"

"I can't tell you, someone might be listening."

"You never tell me," she whined.

"Of course not," I said. "If I told you, then you'd come bugging me all the time."

She rolled her eyes at me like a young child. Well, a childish act deserves another. I stuck out my tongue, crossed my arms and put my back to her. "I'm not your friend anymore."

Then she started acting mock mature. "You are _so _childish sometimes," she said, shaking her head at me.

I rolled my eyes at her and stuck out my tongue further.

"You are only serving to further prove my point."

I just shrugged, then dropped it. "Why were you calling me in the first place?"

"Oh," she said. "Wanna come to see the Hufflepuff rooms with me?"

"Anything interesting there?" I asked her.

"Some portrait's got some news of Hannah Abbot and a first year."

"A first year?" I asked.

"Well," Amelia said. "Second year when term starts again."

"All right," I said, unable to resist such a good rumour. Wait until Seamus and Lavender heard about this. "I'm coming."

She smiled at me. The girl knows my weaknesses too well. Okay, so she's not actually a girl, she's fifty-five and died of cancer. She was at Hogwarts 'cause she was married to the Headmaster at the time. The only thing that was keeping her here was me. I'm seriously serious. I mean, why would my cousin of all people stay on earth for the rest of the eternity to be with me. It's nice, but I think she's either insane or not telling me the truth.

"You know it's your birthday next week," she said.

"Not birthday," I replied miserably. "Deathday." Did I mention that that stupid hippogriff of a girl decided to murder me on my birthday?

"Look to the positive side of things," she said.

"What's so positive about being a ghost for the rest of your life because some girl said something wrong in her spell that left me dead. And it didn't even touch anyone else in the class."

"Well I've got a birthday present for you," she said, looking at me with a genuine smile on her face. "The new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is coming next week on your birthday," she said with a knowledgeable smirk.

"How come I didn't know about this?"

"When you spend three hours in a freezer, things are bound to happen that you don't know about."

"How'd you know about that?" I whispered incredulously.

"I have my ways," she replied, smiling and winking at me. I'm beginning to regret my choice to be in Gryffindor. Capello rubs it in every time I talk to him. He wanted to put me in Slytherin, he knew that's where I'd be happiest. Gryffindors just don't suit me. They're too brave and noble and just. Slytherins get taught things that I will never know about unless Amelia cares to enlighten me. Cream pudding, that's never going to happen.

We floated up to the Hufflepuff dormitories.

"Which portrait was it?" I asked.

"I don't know, I heard from Nearly Headless."

"He's always fuzzy about details, that one," I said. Sir Nicholas is not your regular ghost, besides the fact that he's nearly headless. He likes talking to people far more than ghosts. I hear that he's very good friends with that Harry Potter. But I get all the good gossip about that boy from Seamus and Lavender. And I've just found out that they weren't doing a very good job.

"At least he gives out some details," Amelia answered. "What about Bloody? He's awful, won't shut up about how brilliant his precious Slytherins are and he'll never let you in on their gossip."

"Well he talks some, unlike that Grey Lady. I know she's smart and she was once headmaster of Hogwarts, but why doesn't she talk?"

"Ravenclaws are boring anyway," 'Melia replied.

"I don't know about that," I said. "That Cho Chang who was with that Diggory boy who died, she's got a tremendous crush on Neville Longbottom from Gryffindor who won't go out with her because he knows about young Harry Potter's crush on her. And she was seeing that Roger Davies at the same time as Cedric."

"Really?" Amelia asked. "That's simply disgusting. I wouldn't have picked her to be such a two-timer."

"Neither would I," I said. "But Ravenclaws are interesting, you must agree."

"If they're all like her," Amelia replied. "But I don't think they are."

"Ravenclaws aren't all books and cleverness, you know."

"I suppose," Amelia said. Ravenclaws being boring is one of our constant arguments. She insists that they're as boring as school textbooks. I personally don't think so... and those school textbooks can be quite interesting. Although, they aren't helpful at all, I spent so much time in that library looking for a book about whatever it was that the stupid girl cast on me and I never found a single book after I looked through the millions of books in there. Amelia just hasn't heard half the things I have about Ravenclaws. And, she's got some of that Slytherin bitterness locked up there inside.

I think I know why Amelia stayed back after she died. To watch her husband. To make sure that he never got with a Ravenclaw ever. He was one at school, not a Gryffindor like most had thought. If this school ever closes, I don't know what I'd do without all that juicy gossip. I spent a good five hours looking for the right portrait. And he didn't have anything interesting to tell me except that it was dark at the time and he heard the girl's name and the boy's name. The problem with portraits is that they're so forgetful and they can never stop talking about themselves. He didn't remember what the boy's name was.

Ah, the blissful life of a ghost with a bag of rumours. I think I'd be a great gossip columnist is I could type and not just slip right through parchment and quill. Maybe Seamus and Lavender could help. If they bewitched a quill to write down whatever it was I said at the time, then I could write a column. The rest of the newspaper they could write. But they won't be back for another few weeks. I miss my human friends.

"Ira!" Ack! The sharp squeal of an evil woman-ghost. I must run, that idiot Jemima is back.

***

A/N: I think the other chapter was a mite longer. I don't know why but I seem to like them to about this length for this story. If you like longer chapters, I don't really care. =) Review anyway.


	3. Happy Birthday… er, deathday, Ira

****

We live above you but are still part of you

Disclaimer:- Hmm… since I don't claim anything, I suppose I'm disclaiming everything.

Oh, and consistent usage of 'Cream pudding' is to be ignored. Or replaced with 'Oh dear lord' or something equally strange like 'Cheese and Whiskers'. 

And if you're a fan of my stories (not that I have (m)any of those =)) beware cheesy Bananas in Pajamas quotes. Well, I do love my children's television shows. Anyone who knows me knows that. Bananas in Pajamas, Hi-5, even the Wiggles' boringly stupid show, even the Teletubbies I'm ashamed to admit, Bear in the Big Blue House, Nickelodeon cartoons (I don't like those much anymore, I prefer their game shows), the Saddle Club, Oscar and Friends *shudders*, The Animal Shelf, Bob the Builder, Arthur, Soup Opera (heheheh, one of my personal faves… you don't know how much fun it is to watch vegetables cut themselves up and rearrange themselves into animal shape to music)… whatever's on TV on a weekday afternoon. I betcha you didn't even know those shows existed. 

And if you're wondering where Jemima came from, Jemima is the name of the brown-haired, pig-tailed doll in Play School so don't you forget it. =D

****

Chapter 3 - Happy Birthday… er, deathday, Ira

It's my deathday today. I can't wait until the new professor comes so that I can start some nice juicy rumours about him or her. I need to find out more about this professor before he or she actually comes. That mean's I'll have to talk to some boring person to find out. Perhaps Albus would be willing to provide me with that well sought after information. I think I'm addicted to rumours and gossip… all right, I _know _that I'm addicted to rumours and gossip. Anyone who knows me will know that. I like asking questions and I like getting answers even more than questions.

"Dumbledore," I say as I walk in through his office wall.

"Ah, Ira," he replied. "How may I help you today?"

"You know me, Dumbledore," I said. "I need to know about this new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"What would you like to know?" he asked me. I thought I was asking the questions… oh well. That's Albus for you, never willing to give away more than you should know. But almost always willing to answer a question; or in my case, lots.

"What is his or her name?" This question would solve the question of whether or not this teacher was male or female.

"Professor Flanna Lindberg," he replied simply. Let me think, Flanna… a woman of course. Let's see the name sounds familiar so she must have come to Hogwarts at one time or another. Flanna, that means 'red-haired' of course she must be a Weasley. Now I remember, Flanna Weasley, she was always one for tricks. If I remember correctly, she wasn't very good at Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"But Dumbledore," I began. "The last I heard of her, she wasn't very good at Defence Against the Dark Arts."

"Ah," Dumbledore said. "She has improved. She's an Auror now." My brother was an Auror.

"And she'll only be teaching for a year?" I asked. The Defence Against the Dark Arts (a/n: I can't believe I'm writing out the whole thing instead of DADA) curse has always been an interest of mine.

"Sadly yes," Dumbledore said. "She can only take a year out of her Auror work because of Lord Voldemort's return."

"I see," I replied. "And what time shall she be arriving?"

"You want to give her a warm Hogwarts greeting," he said. I nodded, he and I both knowing that this wasn't what I wanted to do. "She'll be arriving around midday."

"Thank you, Headmaster," I said and left the room. Little Flanna Weasley was coming to teach at Hogwarts. Wait until Myrtle heard about this. Flanna used to be the only who would talk to Myrtle. And I'm off to spread my rumours, but I'll be at the Hogwarts front gate ready to gather some more news.

I flew through the portraits and armour suits that lined the Hogwarts walls, heading down through floors and doors to see Myrtle. I decided that she would be surprised to get a visit from me twice in a week.

"Myrtle?" I called. "Are you in here? Sorry if I'm disturbing you."

"That's all right, Ira," she called from her stall. "I like having visitors. That horrid Harry Potter never came to visit after that time two years ago. No one cares about what Myrtle thinks." She sobbed. She was really glad to see me.

"I've got some good news for you," I said, gliding over to her stall.

"What is it?" she asked eagerly.

"Remember Flanna Weasley?" I asked her.

"Flanna Weasley was the only girl who wasn't too horrified of me to go to the toilet here."

"Yes, well she's coming to teach at Hogwarts."

"Oh, you're joking Ira. That's a horrid trick to play," she said, moaning. It's no wonder the girls gave her the nickname, Moaning Myrtle.

"I'm not joking," I said. "I'm absolutely, positively sure that she's coming to teach here. I got it straight from the mouth of Professor Dumbledore and flew here first to tell you."

"You came to me first?" she asked, her eyes filling with ghostly tears.

"I did," I said. Why had I come to visit Myrtle first? Was I doing her a favour? Ugh. "I have to go now, Myrtle. Oh, and she's arriving at midday if you want to see her."

"And leave my toilet?" she yelled at me as I left her cubicle. Myrtle really doesn't like leaving her toilet unless she really needs a change of scenery. But I knew she was going to come out of her toilet because otherwise she wouldn't have even mentioned a toilet. Myrtle really is quite strange but if you're a chronic gossip who's been living with her for more than fifty years then you've got to get to know her sometime.

After that encounter, I realised that it was my 143rd deathday today. That means I'm going to spend an hour in that awful classroom with my thoughts and perhaps I'll be left alone. But Amelia knows I got there so she might drop by, not to mention that awful Jemima. Where is Amelia anyway? She's lucky and she doesn't realise it. She doesn't have some brainless fool running around after her. I know you might be thinking that I'm brainless because I'm dead, but I have a brain. I am merely brain-dead and body-dead.

Okay, my hour in the disused classroom is up so it's time to welcome our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Maybe she'll remember me. I've always been a gossip and I remember being very interested in her relationship with a Jamie Durie. I wonder what happened to him. I'll have to ask her I suppose. I float out into the harsh sunlight, not that it has any effect on me.

That's the carriage, there it is. All the other professors are there to greet her. There's Snape, standing rather closer to Trelawney than I would care to. McGonagall welcomes her as does Albus. I can see he's looking for me.

"Ms Flanna," I said, appearing and bowing before her. I don't know why, but not many ghosts like going out into the sunlight. It's as though they think it's going to melt them or something. The thing is, would that be such a bad thing? 

She giggled. "If it isn't Ira, the gossip of the North West tower."

"At your service," I said, rising and smiling at her. She didn't look much different. I could see all of the similarities to the Flanna I knew years ago. Then I stood back as I saw her reach inside the carriage. I had assumed that she was going to pull out a pet of some sort. Then she surprised me by showing me the child.

He was small for his age, but looked somewhere between six and eight. I'm not very good at estimating the ages of young children.

"This is Hagen," she said. The boy looked at me curiously. I suppose he'd never seen a ghost before.

"Is he yours?" I asked. If the boy hadn't seen a ghost before it meant that he had lived with muggles for a time… a very long time.

"Not really," she replied. "Eric, my husband's son from his first marriage. Hagen's real mother died, so now I've got him."

"And where is Eric?" I asked.

"He is away on business, somewhere," she replied. "And I see you have not changed. You are as full of questions as you always were."

"Of course," I said. "A ghost does not change much from one day to the next. The only difference is the greater knowledge stored in his or her head. Myrtle said she'd be out to see you."

"Really?" she asked, once more a young girl embracing the prospect of seeing a new friend again.

"Well, she said 'And leave my toilet?'" I said, doing an impression of poor Myrtle who happened to be right behind me.

"You are perfectly horrid, Ira Agamus-Semper," I rolled my eyes and the little boy laughed.

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," I said. Myrtle looked ready to burst into tears. "I am sorry," I said, even though I didn't really mean it.

"He didn't mean it," Flanna said and Myrtle walked over to her. I just floated back into the castle to find Amelia to talk about the little boy, Hagen.

"IRA!" A shriek called, disrupting my thoughts. Perhaps it was a good thing that Amelia knew my secret hiding place, I thought as I quickly ran away from Jemima the Augurey.

***

A/N: There's the third chapter done, next chapter the students finally get to Hogwarts. Please review.


End file.
